I love writing. Ever since i was a little girl and wrote sillies in my journal every night by flashlight, I've loved it. In college i more seriously contemplated being a writer. So i changed my major (for the 18th time) to English. I took a creative writing class and absolutely loved it, but realized that I wasn't that good, and that the peer critiques were too painful. So I gave up and decided to study literature, which is the opposite of writing. (Well, if there could be an opposite of writing your own words, wouldn't it be reading others'?) And i loved it.

I've had an opportunity to write something significant. And i didn't take it. I didn't want to be labeled by what it was they wanted me to write. Like Stephanie Meyer, for instance, could write something amazing and heartfelt about motherhood, or about God, or about children sold into prostitution. But we would never remember. To us, she is Twilight. And Joshua Harris will never move beyond I Kissed Dating Goodbye, no matter how many books he writes about marriage and ministry. And the opportunity I had was a wonderful one, and one that i used to regret declining. But now i see my friends who had similar opportunities (and took them) whose entire lives are traveling and speaking and writing about the Columbine shooting. And although they are touching lives and they love what they are doing, I'm glad that I said no to the opportunity.

That was confirmed the day that Steve (my patient and amazing editor) told me that if i wasn't going to put out a draft, then i could at least write a book review, he said, "as a Columbine survivor". Which sealed the deal for me: no deal. And i don't regret it. Though at times I have imagined how much easier my life could be if i had taken him up on the amazing opportunity - we would have more money, at least enough that i don't have to work two jobs, maybe a few kids by now, and I think i would really love a life of writing. But, then i would be someone I didn't really want to be. At least now, I can approach the world as completely me. Not as a "Columbine survivor".

But i stopped writing well awhile ago. I was reading our blog from Africa and realized that I used to just pour my heart into those posts. And now I don't. I think realizing the number of people that read my blog made me want to filter my words a bit more. And I don't want to waste your time with my thoughts - you really just want to see the pictures and the happenings so we can stay in touch, right? But maybe I need this blog to be more than that now. And i'm sorry to you. If you are committed to reading this, you should at least get to read something decent. Something thought provoking, or at least enjoyable. I just worry that i get corny or long-winded. I don't promise that this will change. But i'll try. I'll use this as an avenue to challenge myself and enjoy myself in my writing instead of just giving you the nitty-gritty daily stuff. Maybe some more stories? Maybe some more thoughts? Maybe a little more heart? I seriously do appreciate your time in reading my blog - i know that there are many many better blogs out there, and yet you're reading this right now.

So i want to make this worth your while. And i want to make it worth mine as well. Maybe we can enjoy this together.