Wednesday, February 18, 2009

dreary drizzly day

photo by owlsblood

i know that you understand that sometimes life is so busy and confusing that articulating things in a blog (or in our own thoughts) can be a challenge. and that's sort of where i am. i'm on the up-side of a few very challenging months. sometimes i'm afraid that it's my mind and not my life that effects my emotional well-being and this sort of freaks me out. i don't want to have mental issues. but some do and strive still. i've adapted some new disciplines that have really helped - well, actually i've re-embraced some things that should probably just be routine.

this last month i've been going to bed around 8pm every night, 7:30 if i'm tired enough. and for the first time since my medical leave 6 months ago, i'm averaging just a little less than 8 hours of sleep a night each week. that's great. i'm exercising regularily - which at first was hard to fit in, but i'm finding it makes a world of difference in my energy and my physical and emotional well-being. and i'm reading again. having my bachelor's degree in english literature, reading is something that i enjoy so much and has become a necessary discipline and enjoyment in my life.

sometimes this is still hard. i mean, these early mornings at starbucks and then traveling for my other job and working the rest of the day and watching the dreaded dishes pile in the kitchen sink. but that's normal, right - that's how you do it too don't you? i'm grateful that these resurrected enjoyments have returned me to a life that i feel like is actually MINE, where i can be ME and instead of drag my feet through each day, i can live with greater hope for the future. i'm not just a work-horse and a mean wife. i can still be ME!

2 comments:

Sarah said...

Hannah, I have been following your blog for awhile and I empathize daily with your situation -- I feel like I've been there before. Life can be a bit much for us all sometimes -- with the simple daily challenges being the toughest. Seems like there is always a struggle between our mentality and our reality, which can be so frustrating. I think you are taking the right steps to get these two in sync. From what I have seen/read you are the type to get up, shake it off and push ahead. Keep up the hard work -- it will pay off! This too shall pass.

Cindi said...

routine can be a scary word but it's not always a bad thing. you are very good at keeping your thoughts in check and re connecting with who you are as an individual and bringing that to your relationships with everyone around you. that ability alone speaks volumes about who you are and who you never will become no matter how much you think you may have "lost" yourself.

i think that no matter what you do hannah, wonderful things really do follow from it. you might not be able to see them but i promise you, they are there. eventually. :)