Thursday, January 21, 2010

Without...

...friends.

Without friends.

We are without friends.

I asked Landon to invite some friends over to help us to eat the [not-quite] amazing cheesecake that I made him for his birthday. He responded with, "I don't have any friends"

Working from home isn't too conducive to making friends either.

I go to Starbucks though. Today I went there to work on Sponsorship (I was there yesterday and a few days before that also) and when I was leaving, I went up to the coffee bar and thanked the employees and told them I would see them later. "Okay, bye", they said. But i could see it in their eyes and the way they hesitated their emotionless words ("okaaaay.....bye") - they thought my goodbye was strange. Why should they care of i stay or if i go? who is that girl? Little do they know that they are the only social interaction I have had these last 2 days.

I don't really fit in out here. I always feel like I'm the elephant in the room, picking out my groceries on Sundays in my slippers with my coupons, cloth bags, organic food, and nose ring...

I don't have friends. And it's wearing on me.

I don't want to complain. I do so so appreciate you. and I love living in Utah. I love only working one job. I love my husband; my dog. I know that God is richly at work in my life. So I don't want to be ungrateful or selfish.

Just, loneliness can be so overwhelming sometimes, you know?


(photo by serni)
 i like the title of this photo:"loneliness is the distance between you and me"

8 comments:

Kristen said...

I have felt that way too. For a long time, but it is starting to get better because I am starting to reach out more and serve others so friendship comes with it more. If you guys ever want to do something, let me know, we would love to get together. :) I

Sarah said...

Totally understand. We've been in Portland for over a year and we haven't made friends. We've met some people (through my work) and got together a few times but then they don't return calls or emails. Friend rejection is almost worse than dating rejection. Hubby and I end up sitting around and trying to figure out who said the thing that turned the other couple off. We have considered volunteering as a way to meet people. Just need to make time and do it. I'm sure things will get better for both of us...we just have to stay positive!

Erin said...

You do have friends and lots of people who love you, we are just far away.

Brooke Hereth said...

Hannah I love you! So many people are lucky to be your friend and to be able to experience such a beautiful and rare personality that only certain people can appreciate. They are jealous that you are out there and that you are successful and have an awesome personality! I am your friend, and you are mine. You have friends.

Sara said...

I know what you mean. We are going to a small group from a church we sorta started going to a few weeks ago and I got really excited at the prospect of meeting like-minded people. there are lots of people we end up hanging out with that I work with, but something about college friendships that I just can't seem to approach....

Serni said...

Hi Hannah.
Nice that you picked my photo! Thank you :-)
As for the loneliness, there is a "cure", today in the Internet era:
create an online community. See Ning http://www.ning.com/ as a simple software to use. Pick your interest, think well if there are people around (10-20 km let's say) that can join you and create it. You can create events - like weekly meetings? - with date, time, place of your choice or people can add their own ones. You can create simple flyers and distribute them in the places you think the people you would like to meet are hanging around (fitness, Starbucks, tourisn agency, yoga school, school, etc etc). Anyway, you got the idea.. And so you will not feel so lonely anymore.
Hope this helps :-)
Cristina (Serni)

Anonymous said...

Found your blog through a friend's blog. I am also a christian who cares about the environment.

anyway, my husband and i just graduated from college two years ago, and moved to random cities.

i am finding it is impossible to make friends after college. it is kind of shocking. my husband is super outgoing and really funny. has a genuine interest in people, but he, too, hasn't found friends here. i'm baffled.

he works with retired military people, and we attend a church group, but somehow no friend-connections have been made. on the weekends we are alone and watch redbox dvds. i wonder if it is possible to forget how to socialize, since i am alone all day.

i wonder if we'd have better luck in a different city. we live in the florida panhandle, where people go to retire.

Anna said...

What a crummy feeling Hannah. It seems 7 hours is not close enough! I can't tell you how much this has come up in mine and JP's conversations. It's just tough. Much much harder than the old college days to be sure. It's like your other friend said. You have to be proactive. It's just hard to endure because inevitably, we end up finding more people we don't click with than do in the process. But one is a start and if you can find one, that will make a huge difference. You need someone that is into hiking and or climbing and likes coffee!