Last night I had a dream that I somehow recollected during tonight's dinner and can not now forget.

(photo by jessmartin89)

I was playing with a little boy about 3 or 4 years old. He was my son. I guess I was never told that he was and of course, i didn't recognize him (because i don't actually have a son), i don't even remember his face. But I just had the deepest love for him - it was absolutely overwhelming, and that's what I remember most from my dream, that's why it was so powerful. And it was so brief. I just remembering tickling his tiny squirmy ribs and then nestling my face in his baby boy hair. He smelled so sweet and I could hear his laughing in my ear. And my heart swelled. And that was it.

And it's not surprising that I would have a dream like this, with the Christmas that Landon and I had in Georgia with our 8 nieces and nephews. It's not a surprise that this longing has grown and remains so desperate and pleading in my heart.

Maybe some day I will have my own child to nestle and tickle. One with his father's freckled skin and rambunctiousness, no doubt. Mmmm, i am longing for that day.