She's a talker

One thing that i have been trying to improve about myself over the past...10 years is my talkativeness. i'm not sure how i'm doing, but i think i've toned it down a bit. My family told me that i talk a lot. But they don't really talk all THAT much, so i was just keeping us connected by streaming together conversations, right? I've finally discovered in which situations that i have a tendency to monopolize conversation and ramble and ramble so i can better control myself.

When i'm nervous.
I used to get silly chattery when i was nervous or felt a bit socially awkward. One of my best friends told me how obnoxious i was during an exchange we had on a double date. And i realized that i do tend to get a little silly and chattery when i'm not very comfortable with the social situation. lately, i just shake - literally. I've noticed twice in conversations i had with people during our time in Colorado and one recently that was uncomfortable that my hands are physically shaking and my breathing is tight and my heart is pounding. and i'm actually NOT talking much. i'm not sure which is better - being obnoxious or on the verge of an anxiety attack...haha!

When i'm excited.
I get really chattery when i'm really happy or excited. We'll be driving somewhere and Landon will stop and ask, "do you realize that you've been having a conversation with your SELF for at least 20 minutes?". oopsie. i also remember my freshman year of college walking across campus with a really good friend, he turned to me and said, "Hannah, don't take this the wrong way, but don't you ever shut up!?". i'm not sure which way he wanted me to take it, but it hurt my feelings. but obviously his honesty made me take a step back and re-think this. i do chatter and chatter when i'm so excited. when Mom and Dad and Nell came to visit us in Kenya and i hadn't seen them for 7 months, i was ecstatic! we sat in the main room of our cottage and talked and talked until i realized that they were all leaning sideways and NOT talking but yawning and yawning...oopsie - i just realized that you've been traveling for 36 hours. do you want to talk tomorrow?

funny.

my dad has ALWAYS (like at least once EVERY TIME i see him) told this (once) funny joke about how my parents were so excited when i started talking so very young....and the kicker: she hasn't stopped since! ha!

but i do think i'm getting better at this. i'm finding great value in listening to others - and i actually have a desire to know them and hear them, not just observing social conversational etiquette. i think there's hope for me yet.