and back again

(photo by Luiz Castro)

Back home in illinois. and there is a good feeling about being "home". I would much rather be sitting on the hearth of a warm fireplace beneath a twinkling tree sipping on boozy egg nog, but a morning in my cold little house, drinking microwaved coffee, surrounded by newly fallen snow is also good.

I felt sick most of yesterday with the sadness of leaving Colorado again. I am always so sad to leave, i think because i don't know about our future. Is there any hope for our returning to Colorado? I just haven't been able to sever my heart from that beautiful place and the idea of being once again near to family and dearly loved friends, enjoying the mountains daily and living that simple and joyful kind of life. The thought and hope of returning has made it difficult for me to truly love living here. It's no mystery to any of you. I know that i have made it quite clear that i do not like living in illinois. How could i; always riding on the hope of returning HOME?

But i do admit, that this quiet morning sifting through ACSI papers while intermittently taking down Christmas decorations and shoveling the snow has been a quiet morning that i've needed for awhile.

I arrived home last night (this morning, technically) and Landon is still on the road somewhere in Iowa trecking home with our Christmas bounty. He's amazing. I just picture him driving in the dark, sucking on skoal nastyness and sipping a coca cola while he solves the problems of the world (or at least of our lives) through his methodical contemplation. poor guy. he doesn't know this, but he will arrive home to an empty refrigerator and a car that won't start. sorry, babe, i tried.

I will try to post some pictures with hilights from our trip to Colorado within the next couple of days, once Landon returns with the camera.

I've enjoyed reading about your Christmases on your blogs. It was also wonderful to see so many of you, dear family and friends in Colorado this Christmas. You are what makes Colorado home in my heart.