i grew to love the Nature of god

God exists quietly.

When I sit still and contemplate
the breeze that moves upon me
I can hear Him.

For hours I would lay
flat upon the meadows
stare at the
endless field of blue sky
and revel in
the divine placement of all things.

I would walk alone
in the woods and let my mind wander
freely, stumble across theories
on the origins of myself
and all things...

I grew to love the
Nature of god.
I knew Him best not in churches, but
alone with the sun shining on me through the trees.

It birthed a space in me
that would continue to
crave the sacred
and demand sanctity
as my life took flight
and lit out to travel
the world.

It has grounded me
and held me steady
in the strong winds
that have carried me
so far from
where i have been...

written by Jewel, God Exists Quietly


I keep thinking about the sadness i felt as we drove east on I-70 Monday. I realized we were reaching the edge of the mountains - the trees were changing from lodge-pole pines to ponderosa-pines and were no longer snow-covered. I bid the mountains good-bye (i think i even said it out loud!) and held back tears. As we departed the foothills and looked at the mountains behind us, Landon remarked on the beauty of the clouds. You know the ones - that are so dark that they look almost purple with the sun shining behind them, but are made magnificent by the gold lining. And i said, "it looks like we're leaving heaven". and that's exactly how i felt.


we skiied 4.5 miles sunday afternoon to a hut in the middle of trees and mountains - nothing else. and while i was there, i was so incredibly happy. i felt SO FREE. and i felt God there. I too easily disregard him in my busy hum drum daily life here in illinois (so easily, that i hardly even realize it!). well, i make it that way - my fault. i'm crazy-distracted and quite honestly, burdened. when i am not working, i think of work all the time. i have difficulty enjoying my down-time because i know that i could be working. After all, i AM sitting at my desk with student profiles sitting beneath my book of poetry, and i still have word documents that i was composing for sponsors open behind my internet browser and even though it's Saturday and i spent the first 8 hours of my day running around like a crazy woman at Starbucks, i really should be working anyway. the boundaries are confusing.

but when i was up there - there was nothing but me, the mountains, god, and family (well, and chicken parmesan with red wine). and life was made SO simple, and SO beautiful. and i just wish i could live life like that more. i wish i could see God in every moment, as he most definitely is. I wish that i could cherish the most important things about life with my whole heart and REALLY soak them in and understand them and praise God for them instead of compromising them with a brush-over so that i can get just a bit more done before the end of the day.