Friday, November 28, 2008

An honest Thanksgiving

While i was flying home from Dallas Tuesday night, i was feeling so sorry for myself. I was remembering waking at 3:30a Wed, Thu, Fri and working Saturday before i left at 9am Sunday for Dallas. Long days in Dallas on my feet. My ankle has been killing me. Then i was dreading opening Wed, Thu, Fri and Sat this week. How many mmore nights will i go without more than 5 hours of sleep? I was listening to families all around me on the airplane talking about "home", and i was sad. I was near tears for that whole flight - my first leg - from Dallas to Detroit. I remembered that Landon and I didn't get to spend Halloween or our anniversary together because i was at ACSI conventions for those holidays also. And i really missed him.

I spoke to Landon at the airport during my layover in Detroit. he was with family in Georgia. I was sitting there in Detroit, knowing i needed to wake in 8 hours and still had many hours before i would get home.

I'm not sure what happened. Sometimes when i pray i feel like such a blubbering idiot. I know God cares because he loves me, but does he really care about this? And in my selfish prayers filled with self pity, confessing my jealousy of family celebrating together in Colorado and Georgia, God humbled me. He reminded me in that moment of all that i have to be thankful for. That Thanksgiving is not about amazing and abounding feasting and time with family - it is about remembering God and offering thanksgiving to him.

In that moment thoughts of thanksgiving came rushing through my mind, and i sat there for several minutes remembering all that i have to be thankful for. I have had such a blessed Thanksgiving because i have had so much to thank God for. Many of you reading this must know that you were (and are) among my prayers of gratitude. You are so dear. God's abundant provision in my life humbles me. He has always provided for us, even when we were afraid that we wouldn't be able to quite make it. And though i am mostly alone here in Illinois, love is abounding in my life in sweet relationships with loved ones both here and across the country.

I am so grateful.

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