Churching

So we have been trying to go to church pretty consistently. We've only been to 3 churches in Gurnee, but one of them we have been to on several occasions. It's amazing to go to church. I look forward to Sunday all week long! We went to Lakeland yesterday (i think it was our 4th or 5th time there). We really like Lakeland. I know a few of the people that attend there from my Trinity Wives' Fellowship Bible study and some of people in the church i am starting to recognize from my job at starbucks (or rather they recognize me - "hey, you're the starbucks girl!").

One of the songs we sang was a prayer about surrendering our lives to God. I like to think that i have surrendered my life to God, and try to remain surrendered each day - i guess surrender is continual. Yet, yesterday when the song went into detail about surrender-ment: "I surrender my hopes, my dreams, my everything," I just broke into tears. I, for the first time, surrendered my "hopes and dreams" to God about our future. My hopes about having children and returning to Colorado... those hopes, i so desperately want to hold onto and not surrender them - these IcWANT for ME. To surrender these to God just took me to a place of tears and tears. That initial surrendering is the hardest part, yet i know that this is something i will have to do continually....surrender.

For those of you who this concept is not easy to understand... Basically, i am saying, that as a woman who loves God, i am trusting that his plans in these areas of my life are the plans that are best. Surrender is saying that I DESIRE HIS DESIRES for me more than my desires. And i can do this, not because i have a cruel and selfish God that i need to be obedient and prostrate before, but because I KNOW GOD and have KNOWN his great faithfulness and sweet love. I surrender to him because i know that only in surrendering to his plans and desires for my life will i live in the richness that is living in God's will.

Well, i will try to continue to surrender. Each day. Surrender.

That was a tangent i didn't mean to go off on today.

Well, it's snowing again today, for the first time in awhile. I have bible study tonight and am looking forward to that. I am really needing encouragement from a body of believers. I think that Landon gets a lot of spiritual encouragement at school and i don't encounter a body of believers outside of Sunday mornings, so i'm glad that my Trinity wives bible study is starting again for the semester.

Do you have any new years resolutions? Or rather, is there anything in your life that you are trying to accomplish or any way that you are trying to better yourself?

There are 3 things that are on my list of things to accomplish:
1. find a consistent time/place for me to have "hannah time". I really need a time and place that is just for me. i have a hard time doing this at home since my work is at home - i just have a hard time consentrating on something, especially if it is prayer or reading or journaling while i'm at home.
2. i want to start playing the piano at a retirement community up the street.
3. just yesterday landon and i decided that we want to run a half-marathon in madison, WI in october. so next time i'm at the library, i'm going to try to find a book about training for a half-marathon. Neither of us have ever ran that far before and we have plenty of time to get in shape for the race!

Okay, now that i've put those things out there, i'll have more of an initiative to do them! You see my capacity for self discipline? Maybe i should add that to the list - that's going a little too far, don't you think? these 3 will keep me challenged and busy for awhile...

New ideas and challenges

Landon's constant reading and intellectual discussions at school cause him to be even more contemplative than normal. In this state, he challenges me constantly (a very good thing). We have had amazing discussions about our views on important issues and "why it is that we think this?" and "what do the facts say?" and "what does the Bible say?", etc... (well, actually, it is mostly Landon talking and my asking questions).

We have found ourselves to be extremely conservative when it comes to certain views like abortion and marriage, yet more "liberal" when it comes to cloning, evolution and euthanasia. Landon is really challenged by his conversation with fellow theologians/philosophers and his reading. I am so challenged by him, and i am so grateful. by the way, we took this fun quiz to see where we fall on the political spectrum. Each of us took it individually and we pretty much in the same spot (slight liberal libertarian) except landon is a little more libertarian than i am. you should take the quiz. we're not sure how accurate it is, but it was fun to see what great thinkers/writer/leaders in history fall in the same categories that we do.

We still are entirely friend-less and church-less, despite our attempts, though we are still tenaciously searching. My second semester of trinity wives fellowship begins monday, which i am looking forward to. landon has returned to classes recognizing many of his classmates and some of his teachers. What a blessing to get to continue our seeking relationships instead of starting over again. I am blessed by my continually forming friendships with the people i work with at starbucks, yet Landon and i have yet to find friends that we see outside of work or school. The pastor at the church we went to last week said that we can not truly understand God's grace when we are not in strong community with other believers....i'm not sure that i agree with this statement, but i do recognize the importance of our seeking-out Christian friends.

Well, the winter cold has returned to Gurnee without bringing snow. It is difficult when the weather is just cloudy, cold and muddy. Not much we can enjoy outside without snow. We would love for the trails to either dry or be snow-covered so we can enjoy them better. But it has only been a few days since the snow has melted and we do have much to do.

Welp, friends. we love you and miss you!

Christmas in Colorado

Sorry it has taken me so long to post about our time in Colorado. We had a great time with family and friends and don't have many pictures, but i'll share some that we do have.

Every year it is a Christmas tradition for my family to get dolled up to go to the theatre. This year we went to see the musical, "White Christmas" on Christmas Eve and it was so awesome and a lot of fun. Here's our yearly family picture in our get-up.

And, as always, the sisters.

Okay, the rest of the pictures are all of us cross-country skiing in Colorado. These pictures were taken from 4 different trips into the mountains. We went cross country skiing most every day that we were there. What better way to experience the beauty of Colorado!?

Landon took this picture when he and Duvick went hiking together the day that i left to return to Gurnee (also see picture below of he and Duvi)

Man, i love the woods. So sweet to see the sun shining through the trees causing the snow to sparkle as it slowly falls. Yes, love it. Mom, Nell and I formed our girls skiing team so the boys could go ahead with the puppies and let us take our time and stop to take pictures, eat snow, and enjoy each other. This picture was taken when Dad and Landon went on a more ambitious skiing trip into the mountains.


We also had the joy of going to one of our good friend's wedding, where we saw many other friends that we haven't seen in ages.



Landon flew to Georgia for a few days and got to spend time with friends and family as he was a groomsman in one of his friend's weddings. So both of our Saturdays were jam-packed with weddings and reunions with friends.



We spent our Christmas with my mother's side of the family at my grandmother's house down the street. It's a joy to see my family after so many months apart. The "kids" are old enough now that they don't think we're as cool as they used to and we really have a hard time relating on any topics considering i know nothing about what is cool in pop-culture these days: video games, emo (what's that!?), movies, tv, music, and pretty much everything else. But it is so sweet to see them getting older and completely developed into their own personalities with opinions and sweet traits.



We also saw my father's family the Sunday before Christmas, and now that we (the cousins) are all adults, we really connect on many more levels than ever before and had a great time together!



Mom and Dad got an espresso machine for Christmas, so i found myself the resident barista making up drinks for company and every day for breakfast and dessert. It was awesome to have lattes, americano's and cappuccinos in the comfort of mom and dad's kitchen.



It was sweet and relaxing to not be the woman of the house for 12 days (at least that's the best way i can describe it). I was just so tired after working so hard the weeks (or months) leading up to Christmas. Though our schedule was pretty packed, it was great to avoid the grocery store and planning meals and working in general. Just so great to sort-of fall back into the roll of the kid.



So now we've been back in Gurnee for a week. I've been plugging in the hours at both ACSI and Starbucks, lots of time to make-up for. It is nice to get some time to myself after being surrounded by people for many days (even if they are people i love deeply). The weather here has been bizarre! 60degrees! all the snow melted in one day and we have had tornado and flood watches the last few days. It makes it easier to be working at the drive-thru window all day when my fingers don't go numb, but it makes for a very muddy puppy! This is winter!? Illinois is so weird.



Today marks the first day of Landon's second semester at TEDS. Yesterday he bought the rest of his books and began his reading assignments. This semester should be really challenging for him, as he's taking more credit hours and is also trying to do work-study on top of everything else, including working part-time at Erehwon.



Duvick continues to be our favorite thing about the mid-west. He's still hilarious and obedient. What a joy he is in our family!

Please have snow and mistle-toe and [coffee] under the tree..

Going home for Christmas! There is not much more that i have been able to think about today besides me leaving tomorrow morning for my home town. I love Colorado and i miss my family tremendously. Last year we celebrated Christmas in Georgia with the McBrayer side of our family and the year before we celebrated Christmas with a few dozen orphans in 90-degree Kenya. So, this will be our second Christmas in CO since we've been married, but our first in the last few years.

Wow, just can't wait! I borrowed some of John Fielder's pictures of my hometown for you!

Roxborough state park a stone-throw south west of Littleton.

Sunrise on Grant Lake in my parent's neighborhood.

Here it is!

So Landon's already on his way. he and duvick crammed themselves along with our junk into Landon's blazer this morning and left around 6am. I will leave around 4:30tomorrow morning in order to catch the first flight out of here to meet up with them tomorrow morning. My boys should arrive to my parent's house tonight. I'm a bit jealous that they get to have a reunion without me...but i'll follow just 12 hours later.

So, these next 12 days we'll be in Colorado. To those of you who we dearly love, whom we will not get to see this year, please know that we do miss you and think of you. As we all celebrate Christ together this Christmas, we are in the same heart! We love you all and wish you a safe and joyous Christmas.

Wonderful Wintry Day!

Landon and i had an amazing Sunday. As you know, Landon is done with his fall semester (YAY!!!) So i had him ALL TO MYSELF on Sunday! We went to church and then we went cross country skiing, and then to starbucks (Landon's idea - not kidding!). Then we took a nap and then went to a movie (INTO THE WILD) and then out to dinner. Awesome day! I totally cherish days like these.

Well, it snowed ALL DAY Saturday! But it was one of those beautiful snows, where it is not icy and windy, but a sweet, warmer, calmer, continuous snow. Which yielded a sunny Sunday, perfect for skiing! We went to a different park for skiing yesterday. Besides dodging snowmobielers, it was really peaceful. Landon made a comment, that since we are pretty much the only people out in the snow, it makes him feel like we are more secluded out here than we really are. I agree, and it's nice. Who would know that we're skiing in a local park - we might as well be out in the country! See Landon, skiing on water!!

When we went to starbucks afterwards in our outdoor get-up, my co-workers thought i looked a bit weird and asked me , "what's cross country skiing?" man, oh, man....

While Landon was at work on Saturday (after i got home at 1:30) i had a chance to wrap the rest of our Christmas presents. I always enjoy doing this. And this year i had a little elf who was SO helpful

(i'm SO kidding!)

Duvick's favorite game besides fetch, is for Landon to push him away and then Duvick charges back, Landon pushes him away, and Duvick comes back and tries to grab Landon's hands with his teeth. Makes it difficult for a wife to get wrapping done. When i push Duvick away from my tedious wrapping, he runs back and pounces on my back, biting my hair. Then i reach back to grab the tape way over there, and he thinks i'm laying prostrate for him, so he jumps on me and tries to bite my hands and my arms. ARGH! I was so mad, i was near hysteria. But i just laughed and laughed - that's what happens when you have a puppy who has been trained to wrestle with daddy on the living room rug...

Duvick kept grabbing my wrapped presents and carrying them around the room, so i gave him some of his own wrapping paper and ribbon to chew on. LEAVE ME ALONE, silly!

NO MORE STARBUCKS!!!

Wow, i never thought i would ever say that (or type it!). Not that i'm all done drinking Starbucks coffee, i just really really really need a break from working at starbucks. I love to brighten the days of those coffee-addicts, like my local friendly barista would brighten my day back when i was a joe-addict (or at least when i used to PAY for my addiction). Really, it is a privilege and a joy. Yet, working until 10:45pm or waking at 3:15am just seems like a sacrifice that i really shouldn't have to make for the sake of some one's coffee. WHO IS AWAKE AT 4AM? and WHO DRINKS COFFEE SO LATE AT NIGHT!? Well, i guess someone does, but i just haven't met those customers yet.

Because of my heavy traveling schedule that i have had for ACSI this fall, i have had to pick up about 25 extra hours this month, making this a 39 hour work week (and that's only my starbucks hours) in order to keep my insurance with 'bucks (which took me 4 months of work before i was eligible). And, my insurance is the only reason i work for starbucks, so when i was at risk for losing it - well, that just won't happen.

Monday morning i did something that every barista shuns and avoids and hates. i "clopened" where, you close at 10:45 the night before and start work at 4am the next day. only making it physically possible for you to get 4 hours of sleep - and that's only if you can fall asleep immediately when you get home. It was awful! But i needed the hours in order to keep my insurance. So, i feel like a walking-starbucks-maniac.

I am drowning in coffee... i'm sick of the smell of steamed milk and the smell of myself when i have a layer of coffee-smell in my hair and on my clothes. i took a shower when i got home from work this morning and put on all fresh clothes from the closet and still smell like starbucks!!! eek! i think it's my bra.

Well, in these 2 weeks i only get one day off, and that day is sunday, which is soon! so i'm looking forward to that, and i really should not complain because i won't have to work for the week and a half that i have in colorado for christmas. ... but yes, for now, i am sick of starbucks.

d

Psalm 124

If the LORD had not been on our side -
let Israel say-
if the LORD had not been on our side
when men attacked us,
when their anger flared against us,
they would have swallowed us alive;
the flood would have engulfed us,
the torrent would have swept over us,
the raging waters would have swept us away.

Praise be to the LORD,
who has not let us be torn by their teeth.
We have escaped like a bird
out of the fowler's snare;
the snare has been broken,
and we have escaped.
Our help is in the name of the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

This was once my praise. What a precious psalm this has been to me ever since my life was so close to being taken away. We discovered the intentions of the shooters at Columbine high school, and realized that there were bombs planted directly beneath us that weren't detonated. Cowering below our desks, we watched the shooters walk past our classroom door and toss a bomb into the room next to us. We sat next to a dieing man for four hours who perished after we were finally evacuated at gun point... And i carried a great guilt for surviving that day. I carried that guilt for a very long time. And then this passage, this song of David, became my song. When other's asked, "how could God let this happen?", i wondered, "why did he save me?".

The events of yesterday have me thinking on that day. I want to say "those days" because the pain and healing and repercussions of that single day lasted years.... And i hurt terribly for my friends at New Life church and those of YWAM just north of my hometown. News like this always hits a little close to home and saddens me greatly. But this, even more, as i know the people involved and i can see the place, and picture it all from my memory. And i know the pain and difficulty in healing from surviving a terrible thing.

Yesterday during lunch, Landon and i had a discussion about evil (as he is the resident expert on the metaphysics of this issue). I'm not sure if we agree that people are inherently evil - i tend to think that they are inherently good, but have the capability of being truly evil if they are persuaded to by an evil power. But that has always been a fault of mine - my steadfast hope of good and trust in others...

If it were a year ago, the shootings Sunday would have persuaded me even more that God had abandoned them as he has so many others. Yet, last Sunday i realized a truth that is so deep and simple, i am so ashamed to not have clearly understood. As Christ's suffering on the cross was more than his physical pain, his true torture was being separated from God. Only in separation from God, could Christ carry and atone for the sins of the world - for one that is God must be separate from sin. And so i see, that Christ was abandoned by God (for that short time) in order that we never again would be. And this is the truth that i understand and cling to. As Christ said, "in this world you will have trouble. but take heart! i have overcome the world...and I am with you always..." (John 16, Matt 28).

Skiing in Illinois

Last night and this morning blessed us with a beautiful snow here. Our last snow ended in an ice-storm, which made the snow nasty. So this one was very welcome, with big floating flakes and sunny skies, leaving us with quite a "measurable" snow (that's what i heard it's called on the radio when it's more than an inch). We actually have about 9 or 10 inches and it's all soft and great!

This Christmas my parents bought us some cross-country skis, as we are desperately looking for some sports to enjoy here in illinois, that we don't have to have a gym membership for. We know that it is a Christmas present, but we just couldn't hold off on the chance to enjoy this sweet snow!! We had SO MUCH FUN cross country skiing in the park about half a mile from our house behind the local highschool. Thanks, Mom and Dad!

Note to self, when Landon tells you to do some cool move, DON"T DO IT!

Down hill skiing, illinois style!

Look at Landon go!!! of course, someone had to cut that awesome trail for him...


Duvi boy, loving the snow!


Sunset here. The park closes at sundown, so those pretty colors through the trees were our sign to jump out of our skiis and get on home.
Our lovely 30 minutes in the snow culminated with warm cups of hot cocoa!
Now Landon's back in his books and i'm back to answering emails and sending mail for sponsorship. But it was nice to have a great break. Today was Landon's last day of classes for the semester. He gave a presentation today and turned in a paper. Just a few more papers to write and a final to study for, and come next Friday, his first semester of seminary will be complete! But until then, he is BUSY in the books!

miss you!

new (soon-to-be) sister in the fam!

Pooks slipped a ring on her finger thanksgiving weekend...

And fitting with the name theme of married-in McBrayer women (Ann, Anna, and Hannah) (with an exception to Crystal), her name is LeeAnn (seriously!). So sounds pretty perfect.

What a sweet picture of the happy couple. Their wedding date is scheduled for May 10, 2008.

For those of you who can't keep the McBrayer Nation straight, Preston (Pooks) is landon's cousin-brother, who is the same age as Landon. We love him.