For those who grieve...

I wanted to share this song with you today. I was in a band in high school that was formed right after the shooting at Columbine and God really used singing, the fellowship and the amazing fun with those guys as a huge agent of healing in my life. This song is a song we would do at our gigs. One reason I like it so much is that although it was written about and for students at Columbine, it is not written about the shooting itself, but about the process of healing and grief. After moving away, now several years later, this is the only song from that year in the band that I can remember enough to play.

Brick by Brick (written by Blair Thompson)

Brick by brick, tearing down the wall
Stone by stone, rebuilding it in its place.
Mile by mile, down a dark and drifting hall
Step by step, backwards into space.

It's like pouring salt on already aching wounds
Cutting back a flower that was just starting to bloom

And Oh Lord, is this the peace that I've been seeking
Just to know that I'm falling once again?
Is this the moment that I'm reaching
Just to know that I'm screaming at the wind?

Word by word, destroying the broken
Tear by tear, stripping them dry.
More and more, finding nothing can by spoken
Tear by tear, watching them cry.

It's returning to darkness when the light was just getting bright
Already losing without putting up a fight

And Oh Lord, is this the peace that I've been seeking

Just to know that I'm falling once again?

Is this the moment that I'm reaching

Just to know that I'm screaming at the wind?

The Faithful vs. the Reasonable

I've been wanting to blog on this for months now. And this will NOT even graze the issue, but I want to address it anyway.

Here in Salt Lake City, the religious vs. non-religious dichotomy is numbing. The religious culture and the anti/non religious cultures are the two predominant cultures here in the city. One is a backlash from the other. In Kaysville (where we lived our first year here), we lived in a town that was highly Mormon. I never even saw a different culture besides the religious, except that I felt that I didn't belong.

Here is how the two predominant cultures seem to view each other:
There are "religious" people (Mormons) who are seen by most as boring and judgmental and only care about money, trends, procreation, and each other. On the other end of the spectrum, there are the environmentalists - those who perceived as staunch atheists, a backlash from the Mormon culture who care only for parties, green living, and social reform. One group is "Faith" the other, "Reason", and there is no overlap without compromise and lack of devotion.

I am personally very committed to both faith and to reason and can not understand or achieve one without the other (not the "Faith" and "Reason" categories mentioned above, but actual faith and reason). I don't understand how the majority of the people here will pursue faith and reject reason or pursue reason without any compulsion to believe.

At work, a coworker and I were talking. She asked me about my cross-cultural experience. I told her I was a missionary. "But you have a nose ring," she said. "Are you still religious?" I explained to her that I was not on a Mormon mission. I told her that I believe in evolution, environmental stewardship, and a loving Christian God. "So in other words," she said, "you believe in a God with intelligence?" I was so surprised that my version of belief was so far-fetched to her.

Is it really impossible for people to see that there is the possibility of a Creator who loves us and whose glory is revealed in his unique and diverse creation of which we are made stewards? That he is the same in his love and forgiveness as he is in his power and justice? Is it too impossible to believe in a supreme deity that wants us to ask questions always, arriving at a true belief - one that is not blind or coerced? I do not believe in "blind faith". Our God is so real, that knowledge of him can be achieved with eyes wide open, with deep prodding questions. 

Neither "Faith" nor "Reason" should be clung to blindly in retaliation of the other.

funny face shots

dooney's new facial 'do.

i have a hard time taking him seriously.

Although he looks like a Civil War Soldier and a Ski Bum, he's actually working really hard and accomplishing his dreams.

I dressed up to go to a nice Gala last night.

and sported a goggle tan the whole time.

Amazing.

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Aging.

Yesterday I found a gray hair.

Both Duvick and Dooney have gray hairs - maybe it's contagious?

Probably not.

The wrinkles that develop on my face while I'm skiing - a product of smooshy goggles and smiling cheeks - stay for the rest of the day. Where has my skin's elasticity run off to? I think it jumped ship in my mid 20's

I fear aging.  And I'm not sure why; the women that I know that are older than me are amazing and beautiful and wonderful - and that might be part of the reason why.... I'm afraid that I'm not who I should  be by now. Heck, I am right where I was when I was 20, except a little more in debt, a little wrinklier, less introspective, more cynical and a no clue about where my life is headed. Not sure why 8 more years doesn't bring me more wisdom, more direction, more certainty, but it hasn't. I think that's why getting older is scary for me.

And time passes quickly. Very quickly. The deeper I drift into life, the faster the pace picks up and I'm just spinning through the days one right after the other...

Yeah, I don't really feel like swirling through time. This day is just fine. If I could just stay in this day for a few days - figure some things out before time is wasted on things that don't matter. Hm.. Seems like I have quite a task ahead of me if I want to be a better self before I'm 30...

Feather extensions

When my girl, Lindsey was visiting she told me about feather hair extensions. Apparently they are the rage in Colorado - I had no idea. 

I've been doing some googling and looking on etsy too, and I loooove this idea!! Just love it. 

Maybe some day I will have the guts/vanity to put these in my own hair.

Spring in Sugarhouse

In the last 3 days, Spring has announced its arrival here in Sugarhouse.

Three days with temps between 55-70 makes it hard to deny (and loathe) the coming of spring. I have been dreading spring. I am a cold weather person in general (i MELT in the summer) and I especially love fleece socks, mittens and sweaters - my most favorite things in my wardrobe besides Chacos. And need I even mention....skiing? Yeah, I've been dreading the end of ski season, seriously sad to even think of it.

Yesterday I went running at the park in SHORTS - the first time my legs have seen the sun in at least 6 months. But we all are pasty-white out here, no shame in that! These beautiful days have me kind of loving spring, though. How can a person loathe sunshine and flowers? Even though I know that the snow is getting slushy and slippery and ski days are numbered, I have really been loving these last few days. I am amazed at the resiliency of nature - each spring I am just reminded so much of God's power, creativity and faithfulness. We are new in Him, a new creation! I am so grateful.

Here are some signs of spring around here:

these are my 2011 Chaco's that I got from the husband for Christmas this year. By the way, can you please pretend that I got this pic off the internet and that is not actually my foot? K? Thanks.

My flowers are blooming! Every house we've lived in these last 4 years, I have planted perennials in the fall and anticipate them all winter long. I love that Dooney and I leave a tiny beautiful legacy of flowers in each place that we live - I hope that we live our lives that way too. Well, here they are this year and I LOVE THEM!! They make me so very happy.

Yesterday I busted out the tank-top. Isn't that crazy!? And all of my other warm-weather clothes are stowed away in a box in the basement (we only have one itty bitty closet in the house so it must contain seasonally appropriate clothes only). So..... I put together this 20-minute skirt this morning (tutorial from Ruffles And Stuff). Not sure what I think of it yet, but I love the large print and the gray and yellow. Loving gray lately, actually, which seriously surprises me. 

Speaking of which:  

I'm trying out this fingernail polish color and I THINK IT"S AWESOME!!!!