The Significance of Happiness

I've been thinking about happiness lately.

(photo by Hadrien*)

Last night we even watched a movie that centered around the theme of happiness. The message from the father to his children was that he was proud of them no matter what - as long as they were happy.

i'm not sure how to write about this, because I'm not sure that i'm right.

I just get a little frustrated with this pursuit of happiness. When happiness is the barometer by which we measure the value in our lives, I sort of think we are missing the mark.

Don't get me wrong, I want my friends and family to be happy. I really really want my husband to be happy, and would question myself as a wife if he wasn't. I want myself to be happy, of course. But why is happiness soooo important?

After a lonely and difficult time in my life, someone asked me, "are you happy?" Which was such a loaded question in my mind. I told her that i wasn't happy, but probably could be. But her question bothered me. "Why does my happiness matter?" I asked her. I wasn't responding with low self-esteem or self-martyrdom. Honestly, there are things in my life of far more importance than my own personal happiness. After a few minutes of really thinking about it, I told her that it wasn't happiness that I was hoping to achieve, but significance.

If you are hoping for happiness, I hope you find it. But I have realized that happiness is largely determined by the people and the circumstances of your life. And those things are always changing. I'm not saying that we shouldn't care about happiness. I seriously want you and me to be happy. But if happiness is the end-all, the goal in sight, then i think we are selling ourselves and those in our lives extremely short.

Living a life of significance.... that is much more meaningful. If we are striving to live lives of significance, then we will gage our success more by the impact we make in the lives of others than on our own personal state of happiness. But this is difficult to gauge, I know. I just wish we were striving for significance instead of happiness - I think we would all be happier, actually. I'm not saying i'm doing this in my life. I live a pretty hermit-ish life out here and spend my days in front of my computer and in the mountains. I am very happy, but perhaps not living an impacting life.

And think about people that have made an impact on your life, or who have changed the course of history. If their personal happiness was their pursuit, would the impact of their lives have reached to you and me?

But like i said before, maybe I'm wrong. I just have been bothered by the the weight and value our society puts on personal happiness. I just think we could live for greater things.

Praying for Peace

I have found my prayers recently overtaken with petitions. Many of my friends and family are fighting some difficult battles. You need healing. You need comfort. You need guidance. Or if you are living in a time of great joy, you need it sustained.

One of my favorite verses to pray for loved ones is Philippians 4:6:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I was reading Buechner this morning and came upon this, which gave me much comfort in the prayers that I have been praying:

"...true peace, the high and bidding peace that passeth all understanding, is to be had not in retreat from the battle, but only in the thick of the battle."

 We will have peace. But it will not be in taking the easy road; it will not be in surrender; it will not be in finding ease. And to know that God's peace comes in times of heartache and difficult circumstances and hard decisions and not just sunny Sunday afternoons says something beautiful about God. His power is forever reaching, his goodness is incalculable, and his love never fails.

May you receive the only peace that transcends heartache.

Sorry for Slackin'

Well friends...

A LOT has been going on here at the McBrayer home.

Landon and Kevin belay Red Rock

Last weekend Landon's climbing buddy from his early college years at App State flew into town. Saturday morning they had the car packed and headed for Vegas for Landon's spring break. They spent four days in Red Rock, NV climbing some beautiful sandstone on the edge of the desert (just a few miles outside of "sin city"). Besides missing my husband and wondering if he had fallen to his death, I had a great time having the house all to myself. I made a mess of this place! I even moved the kitchen table in front of the television so that I could do some sewing projects while watching "NEW MOON" (!!!).

Landon Climbs Red Rock

I would have posted more about it at the time. But... I've realized that there are some people who are committed to reading my blog that I have never met and really don't know at all (via the sitemeter to the right - i'm not spying on you, i promise). I want to thank you for being committed readers, you mystery folk out there. And please take no offense, but realizing that my reader base is getting (a little bit) bigger, I do tend to filter my post topics (a little bit) more. Because I don't know who you are, but I do know that you live around here, and I didn't really feel like letting you know that my husband would be out of the state for the entire week. I'm a little weird like that. Not that I don't trust you, i just....don't know you.

Kevin and Landon in Vegas

Mom flew in to SLC to have a girls' weekend with me on Wednesday night. The boys had returned Wed. morning due to bad weather in Vegas (high winds). So although we didn't have a girls-only weekend, we had a wonderful time anyway. The boys were gone every afternoon skiing or climbing. So no lazy mornings in our PJs drinking home-made lattes and watching sappy movies as planned, but wonderful days shopping, sipping Starbucks, singing at Alpine, and just great mom-daughter time. It was wonderful.

Kevin Tele-Skiing the Wasatch Backcountry

Sadly, I dropped off Mom at the airport this afternoon. And Landon will be dropping Kevin off at the airport tonight. Tomorrow begins the crazy month toward the ending of things.

April will be a big month for us. Landon will be crazy busy finishing up his semester. I will be busy trying to close up the sponsorship program (although i have through June), and looking for another job. I will also begin to sing in my church's praise band every other Sunday morning. That will be awesome. We are hoping to hear if Landon will receive funding from the Philosophy department and be able to continue with his PhD as well as teach some of his own undergrad classes in the fall. That would be amazing. If that works out, we will be trying to buy a house in Salt Lake City (if we get a place by May 31 we get the $8000 tax break). We are hoping to get out of this (90% Mormon) suburb, and get into a community where we are not the "black-sheep". Hopefully a community closer to sustainable living, deep-snow ski resorts, climbing canyons, and more like-minded folk.

Running

Just got home from my first run of the season.

Man, I'm not sure I've been this out of shape in a very long time.

I can't believe that there used to be a time in my life where I would run 5 miles easily. And love it.

Well, that was about 10 years ago.

And ever since I've run a bit, but never regularly enough for long enough.

I ran in Kenya within the tea fields and the villages. But that was sometimes scary.

I ran in Colorado Springs beside the creek. I loved that. I would always count how many rabbits I saw each time I was out. Sometimes it was too muddy with late spring snows, but I loved seeing Pikes Peak in the distance.

I ran in Illinois. Those runs were actually what I looked forward to most each day. I ran beneath the trees, beside the river. It was my daily sanity, pulled out of the Chicago suburbs, my daily treat of wilderness and time alone. I would emerge from the woods soaking wet from the humidity, with mosquitoes stuck dead in my hairline and in the corners of my eyes.

I haven't found a place to run here that I really enjoy (not to say I've tried too hard, though). There is a little pebble trail outside my front door that quickly transforms into a sidewalk along the Frontage road. At least it is off of the street. But today i was running and trying to enjoy this beautiful Spring day and realized that all i could hear was the highway and all i could smell was the exhaust. Although, I was thankful for the mountains in the distance. I suppose I should build up my lungs and my muscles a bit on this road so that I am able to take myself onto the mountain trails - those are nearly impossible to sustain at a running pace when my body is as weak as it is now.

I really want to get back at it though. I know that once I discipline myself enough to run regularly for about two months, I will get my body accustomed to it enough to begin to really crave and love running again. What I really need to do is build up enough strength and endurance (not to mention shedding a few lbs.) in order to get my body ready for the climbing season. I hope that it's not too late for that.

I woke up this morning feeling not great. Maybe it's because I bought a burrito through the local drive-thru taco place last night for dinner. Two new inches of snow on the mountain (the most snow we've received in a couple of weeks, unfortunately) - very tempting.

I had something wonderful to write about today but I don't remember it now. If I remember, I will add a post later today. Until then, I'll just share this with those of you who might care:



Yeah, some of us are pretty stoked. The trailer makes the book look like it's all about a love triangle, which is a large part of the third book. But it is also pretty neat in that it really gives you more history and character development about the rest of the vampires in the Cullen family. And there is an awesome battle scene. I'm ready to see some vampire/werewolf battles; take the pace up a bit from the last two movies.

Also, please remember to continue praying for the elections in Sudan, if that is something that you have committed to this week.

Elections in Sudan

There are many things I could have written today.

Yesterday was a monumentous day in our nation's history (or future, rather), whether you like it or not.

Also, today is World Water Day

But I want to bring to light something outside of our country that is huge. This week marks the elections in Sudan. This week is the first week in 24 years that Sudan has held elections for its people to choose their leadership. The Christian leaders in Sudan are asking for people around the world to be praying for their nation. There is still huge violence and instability within this nation, as decades of civil war have torn it apart.

This country has been on my heart for years as we have witnessed the suffering of its people. If this strums your heart strings, will you please remember them this week.

From Samaritan's Purse's Website:
More than 2 million people died in Sudan's civil war before the Comprehensive Peace Agreement was signed five years ago. The 2005 accord ushered in an uneasy truce, tied to a promise that the people of southern Sudan would be allowed to participate in national elections in 2010 and vote in a referendum on independence in 2011.

Free and fair elections in April could help lay a foundation for lasting peace. However, if violence erupts it could start a chain reaction that plunges the nation back into civil war.

Spring Tutorials

We were supposed to get more snow last night. But we woke to a beautiful day and zero inches of snow on the Wasatch Front nor in the mountains. I'm starting to resolve my mind to accept that Spring is upon us. After all, the equinox is tomorrow.

In honor of the coming of this season of new life, I will share with you a few crafty tutorials that interest me (a link for the tutorial is provided within the name of the crafter):

This Beautiful Spring Wreath by StoneGable

Spring Ruffle Top by Sew Mama Sew

Hanging Vase by Sew Mama Sew

spray painted pillows by V and Co

get rid of your plastic bags for good! This tutorial shows you how to use your old plastic bags to make reusable grocery sacks. These are so cute, i think, and maybe a lot of work. i'd like to try just one - at least for my meats... these are by dana

The face of the Savior

Yesterday I was having lunch with a good friend and neighbor. I had a wonderful time with her and was really grateful for some good girl time. After a delicious lunch, we went to the mall to walk around a bit. The first store next to the entrance was Deseret Books, a Mormon book store. We spent a good half hour walking around looking at all the books, pictures, videos, scripture studies, etc... And on all the walls were beautiful pictures and paintings of Mormon temples and Joseph and Emma Smith and Jesus Christ. After a long time in the store, I turned to Shea and said, " something that bothers me a little bit is that all of these pictures of Jesus depict him as a very Caucasian man". 

The appearance of Christ shouldn't be too important to us. After all, of all the writers of the Gospels, not one of them provided a physical description of Christ. The only description that I can think of comes from a prophecy in Isaiah, "He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him" (53b). And his physical appearance doesn't matter a bit to his earthly ministry and the impact that his life and death has had on mankind, and has had on us. 

I haven't been able to stop thinking about those Jesus' on the walls of the book store. I love to imagine Christ holding children and shepherding sheep with a beautiful face. But how can he look like this man? He should actually look more like the pictures of the terrorists we see in the news, shouldn't he? I mean....he actually was Middle Eastern, after all, not European. I was expressing my frustration to my sister last night over the phone. She reminded me that our judeo-christian culture illustrates him in much the same way: 

Some British scientists and Israeli archeologists have constructed what they think the face of Jesus may have looked like based on their extensive research: 

It doesn't matter to me at all what Jesus looked like, and I have never really put much thought to it or wondered much. I think that is why it bothered me yesterday to see so many faces of Jesus, when not one of them could have been right (or remotely close, actually). 

Nevertheless, one day we will see that glorious face and I know we will recognize it immediately. I do long for that day.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day, my friends!

Mom says that in order to celebrate we must have Corned Beef, Red Potatoes, and..... something else.

Instead, I surprised Landon with green food coloring in his morning tea. And I'll make sure that we enjoy some Irish brewskeys tonight with our tomato and barley dinner. Outside of that, we're pretty shameful around here when it comes to celebrating the patron saint.

Ski Weekend with Kim

We had a good friend join us for some skiing this last weekend all the way from KENYA!

Kim and Landon have been friends these last 8 years, since his summer in Kenya. I was able to get to know her as we got to experience life together during our year out there with Brackenhurst Ministries.

We had so much fun catching up!

I have never been able to ski with another woman before. I loved skiing with Kim. She really challenged me to do the things that I've never done and always shy away from (as you can see in the picture below).

It was a beautiful 3 days on the mountain!

It was wonderful to be with Kim again. I hope it isn't another 4 years until we see her again!