Elections in Sudan

There are many things I could have written today.

Yesterday was a monumentous day in our nation's history (or future, rather), whether you like it or not.

Also, today is World Water Day

But I want to bring to light something outside of our country that is huge. This week marks the elections in Sudan. This week is the first week in 24 years that Sudan has held elections for its people to choose their leadership. The Christian leaders in Sudan are asking for people around the world to be praying for their nation. There is still huge violence and instability within this nation, as decades of civil war have torn it apart.

This country has been on my heart for years as we have witnessed the suffering of its people. If this strums your heart strings, will you please remember them this week.

From Samaritan's Purse's Website:
More than 2 million people died in Sudan's civil war before the Comprehensive Peace Agreement was signed five years ago. The 2005 accord ushered in an uneasy truce, tied to a promise that the people of southern Sudan would be allowed to participate in national elections in 2010 and vote in a referendum on independence in 2011.

Free and fair elections in April could help lay a foundation for lasting peace. However, if violence erupts it could start a chain reaction that plunges the nation back into civil war.

Blood:water Mission from Project 7 on Vimeo.

Yeah, I know i've put one (or two or three?) or their videos on there before. But I just wanted to make sure that you are paying attention.

And this video is the best I've seen so far.

Maybe vote for them?

blood:water mission

Landon and I love this ministry

They have a new project for Christmas that I think is incredible. Check out the video:

Give the Gift of Clean Water from Blood:Water Mission on Vimeo.

Landon just asked me when I'm going to finally post another blog.

"I donno," I said.

"But what about your constituents?" he prodded.

Hm.... that would be.... you.

I've been wanting to return to some posting - sorry for the week lapse. I just always feel like the first post after a lapse in posting should be something substantial or meaningful. But honestly, I don't have anything like that right now.

Something that I've been struggling through lately are my feelings about wanting to return to Africa. Living in Kenya was difficult. What I saw in the people and the land there tore me to pieces. The people are betrayed in every way: by their government, by the missionaries, by their land, by each other, by G**....... The land is as neglected as the people. What was once a place where people could grow and thrive has become a place that is robbed and left barren. But the people, and the land, are strong and though struggling, pushing on - breathtakingly beautiful. I will never be the same, having experienced Kenya and her people.

And when i think back on my time there, I wish so desperately to return to those there that I love. To return to a simpler life - everything, though much was heartbreaking, was so clear, so sure. Priorities were not difficult to sift through, stewarship was not hard to delegate.

I miss the children. I am currently reading Melissa Fay Greene's  "There is No Me Without You", which is the prompting of all my wishing and remembering and wondering about Africa. It is a remarkable story of an Ethiopian woman who answered the call of her community to shelter and care for AIDS orphans. And her story touches me deeply - not only in a way where i am inspired and feel warm and wonderful thinking of the good that she has done in the world. But it touches me deeply - opening and festering places in my heart that I have tried to ignore and forget - I have been touched deeply by a few dozen orphans. And somehow, their ministry in my life is beyond anything else I have experienced. Though I witnessed the suffering of a nation and I wondered to myself if God was even present in such a place, I saw him in those children. every. single. day. every. single. smile. every. single. tear. They are his. He is theirs.

And I feel like some part of myself is lost being separated from these kids, being disconnected from their lives and their ministry. I miss them desperately. I want to kiss their cheeks and hold their hands and sing their songs and lift them high into the air and swing them around and love them again with my whole heart. I want to see their beautiful faces and hear their angelic voices and experience life with them again - with them the world is radiant and I am whole in it.

I love a little boy in Africa.

I love him so much, sometimes it makes me want to cry. or vomit.

But I've been trying not to love him so. He will never be mine. He has never been mine. I may never see him again.

But last night God played a cruel joke on me and put him in my dreams. I dreamed i returned to Kenya and got to see my orphans (though none of them were three years older now as they should be). I've had dreams of Daniel numerous numerous times in the past 4 years since i've met him. And whenever i go to Africa to finally be with him and be reunited (in my dreams) he either hates my guts or is ecstatically happy. But last night was worse - he had forgotten me completely.

I woke upset. Though I don't think i was sad because he had forgotten me. That was a painful thing to encounter in my dream, but as i was sitting there holding him and smelling his earthy little boy smell and seeing his chapped, chubby cheeks i knew that everything would be fine because i finally had him again. We could begin a new future. We were together again. But then i woke and all of that was taken from underneath me. and I'm still upset, i can't quite push it out of my heart. But really, if he has forgotten me, which i'm sure he has - i left him when he was so young - it really is better for him anyway.

But i will never forget him.

World Water Day

Yesterday was world water day.

I am fortunate to work with a guy who spent the majority of his childhood growing up in Peru. We talk a lot about what it is like to live in a poverty-stricken country, and what it is like to transition to America (i can only sort-of relate, obviously). We have these talks between 5-5:30am, usually, after we get done setting up the store for business before we get a steady stream of customers. My favorite part of the morning - getting to know my co-workers. Anyways... Friday, we were talking about water. He was remembering doing laundry by hand and bathing in buckets. Of course i have no memories such as these from our year in Kenya outside of filtering our water and boiling water from dishes. Yet, I do remember that rain was always on the list for prayer requests at our village church. I remember Francis used to gather water in the river and carry buckets of it back and forth every day on his bike for the orphanage (until my in-laws purchased a rain collecting system for them!).

Though we were very fortunate, because we lived in the upper elevations where there was always water in our local stream. I remember reading about tribes that wer further in "the bush" of Kenya who battled each other for puddles to water their livestock. Children were raped and murdered over water.

Water is essential. For food, for health. For life.


Landon and i really enjoy supporting this organization that works with the water crisis (as well as the AIDS crisis) in Africa. We especially enjoy it because they do a lot of work in Kenya, and they are a small enough organization that we get hand-written notes of thanks and actual pictures of the villagers around the well that we helped build. A little money goes such a long way. That organization is blood:water mission. They build wells in the name of Christ in Africa. I am so grateful that Landon and I can play a small part in what they are doing in the lives of numerous communities in Africa.

Another organization that I've heard a lot about (thanks Emily) that gives water is charity:water. Here is a quick video of theirs to inspire you!


Maybe think about celebrating World Water Day by giving to one of these organizations!

One of my greatest fears

While living in africa i developed an extreme fear of monkeys, but most specifially for THESE monkeys. Just doing a flickr search for these pictures has my heart racing. I am pretty rediculously terrified of these jerks.


one of the best thing about our time in Kenya was that it was Landon's job to put together a more extreme adventure program for Brackenhurst Adventures as a follow-up ministry (business) to the ropes course team building/leadership training. So he often was at Hell's Gate National Park. It was a pretty bumpy ride from Limuru to HG. We actually drove in the dirt on the side of the road that was at a 60 degree angle rather than brave the actual paved road. It was on this drive into the Rift Valley that I saw my first glimpse of African wildlife, something i will never forget. My first time into Hell's Gate was not with Landon at all, actually (he was taking a group up Mt. Kenya), but with some people i had only met days before. They were telling me about the Baboons, and i thought their stories were hilarious. We pitched our tents that evening and went to sleep. The next morning i was the first to wake (still getting over jet-lag) and decided to read my bible and journal as i sat outside and looked over the Rift Valley. It was beautiful. In the distance below i glimpsed a group of wildlife running from the water hole across the valley toward our camp (which was situated on a cliff above the valley). They were fast. I didn't care - the valley had many animals and, plus, we were on a cliff 50 feet above. Pretty soon, though, i saw them: the baboons. They were in our camp. Being my first week in Africa, i wasn't sure what to do, so i ran back to my tent, crawled into my sleeping back and just layed there with my heart pounding, hearing them run around outside.
Once, i was making sandwiches for friends out of the tailgate of our van. We were surrounded by monkeys. We trapped one on the car, which was so terrified it actually dropped his loot and leaped out at the first chance we gave it. Though i like the idea of me being inside fo the car and the monkeys on the outside, instead of vice-versa. so i sat in there for a LONG time and watched monkeys clawing and the windows.
As our ministry developed in Kenya, we started taking people to that camp site in Hell's Gate. We would hike and rock climb during the day and spend the evenings at the camp site. I soon discovered that the morning bacon and trash from the last night's dinner tantalized those jerks. Once i got the pancakes over the fire and the bacon on peoples plates, our camp was surrounded on all sides by these HUGE monkeys. They would take turns charging the table and making off with whatever they could catch off of the table/fire. They loved sweets, and once stole an entire bundle of bananas from inside of our car. Eventually i made a rule: while camping at Hell's Gate i am NEVER making breakfast again unless it's oatmeal. We ate a lot of oatmeal that year.
The Maasai people are shepherds and carry Rungus and Sticks as weapons against lions, buffalo (, babboon). We saw that their defense tactic was much more effective than ours (we invested into 4 machette's and just started shaking these huge knives at them when they were close - the only thing this did was provoked them to show us their fangs up close and personal... we soon abandoned those machetes). So Landon invested into broom handles. We handed them to the biggest (and bravest) kids and while breakfast was being cooked, the kids would shout and swing these sticks. That worked better.
Justin and Anna came to visit us for thanksgiving our first year out here in illinois. We went to the Field Museum in downtown Chicago. We were walking through the exhibits and i turned the corner and entered the Monkey room. Of course, the monkeys were dead and stuffed, but they took me by such surprise, and it had been a year and a half since i had seen a monkey, i got goosebumps all over my body and my heart started to race.

I hate monkeys.

missing kenya

Today on Facebook i joined a group called "Limuru Children Centre".

Here there are a few pictures of our sweet orphans at the orphanage. Though, they are all from the last few years. I am jealous of the many people who have spent days holding the sweet orphans and knowing them while i just missed them and cried over them. Though, i am grateful that God continues to send people there to love the children. Because so far, he has not enabled us to go back.
my little orphans

Last night i had a dream about the ophanage. In my dream i was in africa (it was more the size of a neighborhood than a continuent) with my friend Courtney, who was a missionary in South Africa for a few years. I just left her and ran and ran and ran for a long time until i can upon the orphanage. It was the middle of the night but i missed the children so desperately, i didn't care. I opened the door to the girl's dorm and turned on the light. I saw my beautiful orphans, but now they were so much older. but they did not forget me. In my dream they suffocated me with hugs and i just cried and kissed them. They had grown to know english more and were asking me questions and were so happy to have me back. And i woke happy, and then unsettled.

I miss them desperately. I wish i knew the older girls as teenagers now. I spent this evening reading our blog from our year there and i have been near to tears all night. i still feel a terrible guilt about living with them and loving them that year and then one day just leaving. i give myself too much credit, i doubt they remember me, i doubt they are still hurting from my abandonment of them. yet, i think that at the time, leaving was the worst thing i could have done. and i am still sorry that they are always being left behind.

A perscription for Hope

Today i am especially thinking about a few young girls that i know in a tiny orphanage amidst the tea fields of Tigoni. For those of you who kept up with our blog and updates while we were in Kenya, you probably remember these precious girls as well.

Dianah

Dianah suffers from AIDS. Her mother is dieing of AIDS and is a prostitute in the village. Her mother originally contracted AIDS from her husband, Dianah's father, as he was a successful business man. When he was discovered to be raping Dianah, he was sent to prison, leaving Dianah's family without any income. Dianah's mother found herself in a desperate situation, choosing to feed her family by selling herslef - who knows how many others have contacted the disease from her desperate source of income. Dianah and her younger brother came to the orphanage because her mother couldn't care for them within her dangerous lifestyle. Dianah often suffered in and out of tuberculosis. On one such occasion, my parents were visiting us in Kenya. We brought Dianah a chocolate milkshake and "chips" while she lay in bed sick and scared. I sat beside her, stroking her hair, praying for her, singing to her, holding her. She just cried and prayed, "God, why would you let my father do this to me?" This, is a question i have echoed for her in many prayers of anger and confusion to God since.

Grace

Grace lived with her parents in the village. They made their living by making and selling illegal and potant spirits. Desperate men were always in their home completely intoxicated with her parents and her younger sister. Who knows how many hopeless nights Grace spent helpless in the arms of one of her parents intoxicated patrons. When i met Grace, her parents were dieing of AIDS in jail, and she and her sister were at the orphanage. Grace is such a serious girl, with few smiles and a heavy burden. Yet she sings and dances to the Lord joyfully! When a teacher was telling her of the story of the woman who had been bleeding for years and reached to touch the robe of Jesus and was healed, she begged to know more. And i realized that I could never have an understanding of this story as she does.

Both Grace and Dianah are still living at the orphanage, taking medications regularly. They both are young girls of great faith in God. They both are dieing of AIDS. And these are just two. More than half of the children at the orphanage are orphaned by AIDS. This is what AIDS has done to a community, a country, a continent.

Is there still hope when death is inevitable? There is if the hope is Jesus Christ - for he is the only promise for a new life - for eternal life.

As Christians, what is our response to the global AIDS crisis? I have been unsure of how to blog today - world AIDS day. There are so many resources, so many ministries, so many movements against AIDS. Yet, how can we get involved?

You can go buy a latte - any drink you buy today and any holiday beverage you buy this season at Starbucks gives money to support the global fund through the (RED) campaign. but that's not quite enough, is it?

Look into ways you can help.

Here are some AIDS relief ministries we support:
Samaritan's Purse - Be the Virus
Compassion International International AIDS Vaccine Initiative
Blood Water Mission

Some other good ones:
World Vision - HIV and AIDS care
Agathos Foundation - ministry in SA
Buy a t-shirt to support children orphaned by AIDS

I would love to hear of more ministries that serve individuals and communities suffering from AIDS.

missing Kenya today

today, there were a few things that reminded me so much of moments from our year in Kenya, that i was missing it terribly. The first thing that has me reminiscing, is the weather here. We have had a downpour for 3 days straight. It reminds me of the rainy season, though it is much less muddy here :). It makes me want to lay inside and sleep and bake cookies and read. The living space in our home here is just about the same size as our place in Kenya, so sometimes the cold floors and lack-of-a-dishwasher, bring me back to our days there. But i do miss the tin roof. This unceasing rain could never be the same without the banging of the tin roof and the sight of children running through the mud in boots too big for their feet, and woolen hats tight upon their heads and beneath their chins. my sweeties.


hehe, i remember one afternoon while i was at the orphanage, we were stuck in a sudden downpour. The children were so thrilled about the rain and the adults ushered their muddy feet and drenched little bodies below the tin roofs. These kids couldn't stay out of the rain, they were reaching out and opening their mouths beneth the little streams running off the grooves in the tin roof. They were splashing each other and spitting water at each other. I thought it was adorable and i found such joy in seeing them enjoy the rain instead of cower from it.

Also, in church today, i was fighting back tears immediately: the family in front of us had a toddler girl. She was sitting on her mommy's lap, stroking her face, touching her clothes and jewelry and hair and digging into her purse and it reminded me instantly of my orphans. Every sunday i would take a van full of 25 orphans to church. Mary and Daniel, the two toddlers would sit on my lap - one on each knee. I would hold them during worship and they would just stare at me while i tried to sing the swahili. during the service, they both sat there taking off my jewelry, stickying my hair in their fingers, stroking the white skin and freckles on my arms and hands, and in the most precious moments, resting their heads on my chest and sleeping... i miss those precious mornings with my babes.

today i miss them more than usual - more of a painful missing than a joyful recollection in missing.

april in africa

just thinking of africa a lot lately. especially that april is such an important month for the kenyans that we love. i've been reading through the blog we kept while we were there, and i miss africa. i miss the children.

Danieli

Those of you who followed our blog while we were in Kenya, or who know us more intimately, know that this little boy was a constant source of joy and heartache for us! While Landon and i were in Kenya July 05 - June 06 we fell in love with Daniel. We had strong hopes of adopting him, until his mother returned to the orphanage 2 weeks before we left, claiming that she wanted him back (we were so surprised to see her - everyone thought she was dead). Daniel had no idea who she was, and had asked us to take him home with us and never return him to the orphanage. I remember our flight to the US from Kenya, i just cried and cried, feeling like i had abandoned him back in Africa, feeling like leaving without him was so contrary to everything within me. And every special moment the next year, every holiday, i felt a loss for not having him to be a part of our family, to be with us in those special moments. Anyways...that's beside the point except to say that somehow in my mind, i was going to be this precious boy's mother and am not, with no hopes of soon having him for my son.

Well, Kevin, our friend and fellow missionary from Africa had a chance to return to the Limuru Children Centre as he was preparing a missions trip for the youth in his church, and his wife, Cori, sent me this current picture of Daniel.
I thought that some of you would really enjoy seeing this picture of Daniel. Hasn't he grown so much since we last saw him in June of last year? He is still at the orphanage. His mother is unable to care for him because she is dieing of AIDS and can't keep a job or acquire a place to live. I'm not sure the current story about her, as after my last email to the orphanage, i sort of threw in the hat. Patrick sent the sweetest reply to my email, saying that his extended family would not be against our adopting him, but the mother is. Of COURSE, she is. She is a dieing woman with one precious thing in the world - of course she would want to hold onto this sweet boy as long as she has life! I don't blame her for this, though, as i love Daniel, it is my ethnocentric and selfish perspective to wonder if her wanting to keep him at the orphanage for her every-once-in-a-while visits is not the best thing for him.... But he looks happy, and with his now 3 years at the orphanage, it seems he has found a family and a home there with the workers and the other kids. If we receive an email some day from the orphanage indicating that Daniel is available to be in our family, Landon and i would jump at the chance!
Here is Landon with Daniel a few days before we left...

African adoption

Friends and family in Colorado,

One of my friends from my highschool and APU days is living in Littleton with her husband and daughter and they are actively pursuing adopting in Ethiopia, East Africa. Right now they are trying to raise money for the adoption (it is SO expensive!). They are hosting a spaghetti dinner and silent auction on October 20 to raise money. If any of you have something to donate to the auction or are interesting in attending to support the adoption, please let me know. Brittlee does an amazing job at keeping her blog about the adoption updated, so please check here if you want any more information or are just interested. Also, of you are somehow compelled to help, you can give financially from their blog as well.

Brittlee has no idea that i am posting about this, i just think that one of the most precious things imagionable is to adopt a little orphan from Africa and raise them in a loving family - to give that little one a chance for his/her future. I think that orphan adoption is truly answering God's call to love the orphans and widows. I am just so moved and inspired by what they are doing, that i thought i would share with ya'll in case you are as touched as i am.

(this is a picture Brittlee took while she was visiting the Kibera Slum in Kenya in 2003)

Thanks for taking the time to look at her blog. (for those interested in their adoption process, you can visit their other blog) Also, at this link you can purchase some hand-made jewelry that her mother has made for the adoption - beautiful African pendants and such...