I wanted to be a nurse

I used to want to be a nurse.

At the end of my senior year of high school I went on a lake vacation with my best friends (I actually don't remember it too well, but this is what I remember). Nicole's family had a place and a boat so we went. It was beautiful and exciting and fun. I had never really done water sports, so at the end of each day I was exhausted. I actually fell asleep at the dinner table one night. Anyways...on our last day on the lake, we got the tubes out and took turns being flailed around the water. So fun. Nicole and Kyle each had their own tube and were trying to flip each other over. While the boat was stopped, he wrapped the rope from her tube around his hand so he could flip her over. When the boat took off, it tore his finger right off.

He actually spent a few minutes diving around looking for his finger but never found it. But in that moment when he emerged from the water and everyone was frantic and some of my girls couldn't look without wanting to puke, I felt totally in control (with a fair amount of adrenaline). I was able to wrap a towel around his bleeding fingerless hand and hold it there until we got to shore. After that exciting afternoon, I seriously started to consider nursing.

I was already enrolled at APU with my scholarships attained and classes registered. My freshman year of college I went to Los Angeles to be a singer. When I was there I realized that everyone around me had the same dreams that I did, only they were so much closer and skilled to reaching them than i was. So I quickly realized I would never make a career as a singer unless I spent my life teaching private lessons or something - which wasn't at all appealing to me.

So I reanalyzed. My sophomore year I studied nursing in Colorado. I attended Colorado's best nursing school and it was very challenging. I did pretty well and enjoyed it all except for my Anatomy and Physiology lecture (somehow i got A's in the lab and D's in the lecture - both semesters). They informed me that I needed to re-take the class. The Nursing school was a 4  year program and I entered it a year late, so I already was going to be graduating a year later than i wanted to. Let's make it 2 years. I weighed the pros and cons and decided that graduating beside my "little" sister was not what i wanted to do. So I decided to put away my dreams and my practicality and just enjoy school. Just get a degree doing something I absolutely love. And i did that.

Job searching has me thinking about this I guess. Thinking that maybe 2 extra years of school may have been worth it. But I'm not discouraged or anything and I don't think i regret studying Literature - that opened a world of beauty and enjoyment that i continue to relish. I'm just thinking about the effects of life choices and how very impacting they are, when they seemed so simple and minuscule back then.

different kind of weekend

It feels like Spring is here on the Wasatch Front. And I'm not really a fan of it. At this time of the year, God should be piling on the snow around here for us to enjoy (and for the snowpack to be plentiful enough to keep us out of drought this summer). But, alas, there hasn't been much snow this winter. This weekend weather was in the 40's and 50's, which i couldn't believe!

Instead of going skiing, we stayed home on Saturday and did some work around the house. I was so happy to have a relaxing day at home!!! First thing I did upon waking was brew a big batch of coffee and pop in "Newsies", one of my favorite musicals of all time.



Don't worry, we were able to get onto the slopes for a little bit yesterday. Then we took Duvick on a walk through the snow in the woods. It was a beautiful evening with the blue skies, white mountains, towering eromatic pines, and the full moon coming up over the mountains.

It was our first weekend that wasn't packed to the gills with skiing in a long time. And I was grateful for the change of pace around here and the opportunity to relax a bit.

Not sure how to blog lately.

I asked Landon what it is that he wants to see me blog about (is there anything that YOU necessarily want me to blog about, dear reader?). He said that he wants some more serious posts. But I'm just not too serious these days. And a lot of things that would be serious enough are things that I don't necessarily want to expend on this here blog for the whole world to read (including future employers).

On that subject. I'm looking for a new job. It makes me sad because I love my current job. My employer was wonderful enough to let me know that though they were closing out my program, that I would still have the job through June. Amazing that they are giving me six months to find a job.

(photo by deanmeyersnet)

So for the last 2 months I have been doing some very minimal browsing, just trying to get my feelers out - finding good search engines and job sites and also trying to get an idea about what kind of job I would like to do / am qualified for.

With a degree in English literature and 3 1/2 years experience in a non-profit sponsorship program, I know that I have learned some important skills but I do not feel qualified for the majority of jobs out there. I would love to continue to work for a Christian organization. The pay isn't great, but it really is amazing to LOVE my job and feel like I am making a difference in the world! But... Utah is pretty sparse of Christian organizations. Yet I know that jobs in Christian organizations could be unfulfilling just as much as I could actually learn to love and be passionate about a position in a company without any religious affiliation.

I know that wiht our nation in it's present situation it is difficult to find a job. So March is the beginning of some serious looking and applying. I'm thinking it definitely could take me 4 months and I don't want to sit around and twiddle my thumbs and then arrive in July without any income for Landon and I. That would be scary. And stupid considering my employer has been so awesome to give me the heads up.

(photo by chtyson)

What I would really love is to get a job with the US Forest Service. But in order to do that I need a degree in biology or some serious experience, of which I do not have (besides the hundreds of days I've spent enjoying and exploring that national forests!).

(photo by anniebee)

I think the jobs that I best qualify for are probably administrative positions.

(photo by nic's events)

Another job that I would really love is an editing position (not an ediTOR's position) for a publishing company.

(photo by george eastman house)

I still have a strong desire to be a teacher. But I need to go back to school to get my teaching certificate. And right now I don't really want to have both of us in school.

So I will be putting a resume together and seeing what I can come up with.

What a bummer. Looking for jobs is a little stressful and it's scary to imagine being a member of the 10.5% of America's unemployed. But perhaps, just perhaps, God might bring along another job that I love - one that makes a difference in others' lives besides my own. And maybe it might offer me benefits too. That would be amazing. That is what I hope for.

Banff

For the last two evenings, Landon and I have spent a few hours in the University of Utah theatre.

The Banff Mountain Film Festival World Tour is in Salt Lake City!!!

Each night we got to watch about 8 videos varying from 4 - 50 minutes long. All of the movies were about mountain sports. All movies were beautifully done and the sports were amazing. From skiing to rock climbing, to kayaking, paragliding, extreme mountain biking, nordic skiing, and others. All executed and enjoyed in beautiful mountains, rivers and oceans across the world. It was amazing. And inexpensive - much cheaper than the Warren Miller films (well, Landon got in for free since he is a student, but it was only $7 for me).

Maybe see if there are any screenings in your town. It would definitely be worth it to attend at least one night's screening.

Another ski weekend

We have been so blessed lately to have family here to visit. Pooks came President's Day weekend and then my dad came this last weekend for a ski trip. Unfortunately we didn't get any fresh snow for his trip, but the snow still wasn't bad at all.

Landon's learning to use his helmet cam ever better, so I'll post some videos of dad's ski trip to Utah:

This is my dad. He's amazing.


This is me. I'm still learning.

It's wonderful to have family here to visit and to ski.

This is an open invite to anyone else that would like to come out here for a ski trip! We are 30 mins from the nearest ski resort and lift tickets are $57.00/day. Pretty cheap. I'll cook for you and you can stay at our place. All you need to buy are the lift tickets and your plane ticket. That's a sweet deal for a one-time chance to experience "the greatest snow on earth". Get your booties out here!

For the first time in a few years I feel like I'm me. Like I'm living my own life again.

Maybe it's because I'm over the self-pity (so destructive, you know?!) and 3am mornings, maybe it's because Landon is finally in a PhD program which shows a not-so-close but fairly tangible end in sight to his marathon education., or maybe it's because i'm living with the mountains again.

I am elated. For the first time in years I am spending my evenings doing things that are actually me: crafting, making music, baking, reading, watching movies, etc...

 I don't feel like a slave in the kitchen, but I have found that cooking dinner with a beer is a wonderful transition between work and home (which is sometime hard to distinguish when work is at home). I haven't done the dreaded dishes in weeks, as Landon does them each night and the dishwasher takes care of everything else.

Every weekend (and often days in between) i am enjoying the wild here: hiking, rock climbing, SKIING! And it makes the work days within the fun days much easier.

For the first time in years I am not aching over the child that isn't mine. I no longer think upon my little Danieli with aching and hurting but more with fond remembrance. And the children that Landon and I have not had the opportunity to conceive do not plague me. I used to cry with each period - another chance lost - the ticking clock in such a graphic reminder each month. But lately I am realizing how delightful this season is: the childless season. I am enjoying my relaxing evenings and fun-filled weekends. I am enjoying the selfishness that I am free to indulge when I am not the caretaker of anyone but me. And I am utterly amazed that I have found this attitude without even searching for it. I am happy right now without a child. It's something that I didn't think I would be able to say. I just thought the longing would hurt me until God gave us a baby. But that is not the case.

Landon continues to wow me. And I wonder how we can still make each other laugh at a regular basis - I would think that one would predict the other pretty easily these days. We do that too.

I don't feel like I am just trying to keep us afloat in our life any more. We are not sinking. Sometimes the responsibility of being the only financial provider in our family is a scary burden, especially as I will soon be laid off of my job, but it's not too heavy yet.

And i'm so grateful for the loving perseverance from my husband. And from God. Unconditional love is an amazing thing to live within. It is freeing and compelling and healing and inspiring.

Aging

I"m getting wrinkles.

I'm not sure if they just appeared after 2 years of 3am Starbucks mornings.

Or maybe it's from sleeping on my face - I've read that you're not supposed to sleep on your stomach because it smooshes your face.

Well, it could be because I've always been a person that is outside a lot. As a kid, I was always playing one sport or another. In the summer my sister and I spent our days riding around the neighborhood with our Barbie Dolls and Nurf guns on our scooters. We would catch craw-dads in the rivers with hot dogs and sticks and drag them home in a paint bucket only to dump them back out into the stream the next morning as they had died overnight and were stinking up the garage. Every day that my parents had off of work, they were taking us out of doors. Camping, hiking, skiing, playing all sorts of sports, riding bikes to Dairy Queen, driving with the windows down, etc... A lot of my summer jobs through college were outside: Sea World vendor, camp counselor, working at the orphanage in kenya, etc... And now as an adult i'm outside a lot still. Every weekend, Landon and I try to fill our days with sunshine, rocks or snow.

Or maybe it's in my genes, to get wrinkles. With my red hair and freckly skin, I'm pretty sure i'm just more sensitive to sun damage. Maybe that's it.

Or....maybe it's just my time. Maybe time has claimed my youthful years. Yeah, I am feeling older lately. Whenever Landon has a birthday, it actually makes me feel older than when I have a birthday. We're in our late twenties, which is nothing to cry about. But I don't feel that close to 30. We were looking through the church directory of small groups to find one that would fit us perfectly. "Young Marrieds" is what we were looking for. And then I realized that we aren't necessarily newly-weds any more....and we're not actually that young either. Landon insists that we still fit in that category, but I'm just not so sure. And one of the things I really enjoy about skiing is meeting people. Last week when I was skiing alone, I talked with a couple of middle-aged men. Nice guys. I initiated the conversations (of course), with something like, " wow, the visibility is crappy today, isn't it?" One of the men responded to me in the way I hoped he would. He was very friendly and told me that I was doing a good job skiing (after I told him that this was my first season on the mountain) and had more of an uncle-ish response - he's old and friendly and wonderful. The other guy, I asked what time it was, and he got the  wrong idea. He actually thought I was hitting on him! Which threw me for a loop. I had to evaluate that whole experience. I wonder if I'm old enough now that guys my dads' age don't respond to me like someone that could be their daughter, but as a young woman who might be "interested".

Well, whatever the reason for the wrinkles, I'm not gonna cry about it. It just took me by such surprise, since I haven't really had wrinkles before. And I'm getting them other places: my forehead, and especially around my lips...

I should ask my grandmother about wrinkles. Since she told me growing up that freckles are angel kisses, I wonder how she would console me these.

I think this is awesome. Also, it makes me grateful that Landon and I get the opportunity to own a car that is fueled by clean diesel.

South of the Border Stew

(photo by ::big daddy k::)

When I was a little girl, this quickly became my favorite dish. And when i would visit home while away at college and Mom asked me what I wanted her to cook, this was always it. My fav. family dish. So easy to cook, very cheap and so very yummy - and just as delicious as left-overs. 


I cooked this for the McBrayers (read triple the recipe) while we were in GA for Christmas and I've had familia asking for the recipe ever since. Enjoy:


South of the Border Stew


Ingredients:
1lb. ground beef
1 onion
1 can tom. paste
1 can tom. sauce
3 cups water
1t salt
1t cumin
1/2t garlic salt
1 C cooked rice
1T sugar
1t oregano

Directions:
Brown meat and chopped onion. add sauce, paste, water, oregano, salt, sugar, cumin, garlic, and simmer until reduced (about 15-20 mins, i think). stir in cooked rice at the end.

We serve this over a plate of fritos and top it with lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, sour cream, coconut, jalapenos, or whatever else you might want!

Ski weekend with Pooks

We have had an amazing President's Day weekend! Pooks (Landon's cousin-brother) came to visit us this weekend to enjoy some amazing Utah powder! Sadly, his home in North Carolina had more snow than our house did this weekend, ha! But the mountain was awesome. Two days of powder and one blue-bird day made for some very wonderful skiing.

If you care, check out the videos:

Pooks on some black groomers. This is actually the run that was the womens downhill race in the 2002 Olympics here in Utah. You can see that we were socked inside of a snow cloud for much of the day, so the visibility is sketchy. But this gives you a good idea of what a day is like when Pooks and Doons get together. Not too easy to tell, but they are going pretty dang fast.


Pooks and Doons were in constant search of untouched powder through the trees. The next 3 videos are through some nice powder that Preston chose for the video venue.


Landon making some beautiful tele-turns in the "pow"...followed by me falling.


And we even got a video of me. I was reading through our skiing magazine about how to ski through powder. One of the things it says is that you are supposed to have a stance like a boxer, not like you are sitting on the toilet. I definitely look like i have the toilet stance in this video.


Landon just left to take Pooks to the airport and I'm sitting down to get into my work week. It was AMAZING to have Preston here at our house. We don't get to see him too often and we love him dearly. Sad to see him go, but we definitely had a blast this weekend!